life.

Last week,

It was my birthday.

My 26th.

I was lucky to experience one of those moments that you know you will remember forever.

It was joyful!

Full of life!

Overflowing with love!

So exuberant that when I think back now my heart wants to warm it's tired hands around it.

Truly a most magical birthday gift from the universe.

It's nice to be reminded from time to time that despite what they say, there is only one reason that we are here.

For life, love and joy.

And,

That when it all boils down,

Why do we need all the mess,

the fuss,

the stuff that they tell us we need to be happy.

When you can have moments like that for free?

It did not cost a cent.

(but for the drycleaning bill for two pieces of cake and a glass of wine smushed into the carpet.)

I could go on in great length about the moment itself.

Where I was.

What I was doing.

Who was there.

The time of day.

And I want to tell you. 

But through repetition - I fear that it might lose it's magical quality that so has me entranced.

As if lookimg directly at it will make it disappear.

In any case,

The details are effervescent,

what stays is the why.

Why was this simple, uncomplicated moment so special?

Just because.

Because it was a reminder of the beauty that is inherent in all that is fleeting.

Accepting transience.

As the way of it all.

The push.

And the pull.

The rhythm of life that is threaded right through the centre of my core.

And besides,

It was my moment.

You would have had to be sitting entirely inside my body,

on those handle bars,

a top a cushion,

in late February with the balmy evening washing over you,  

your head resting back on the chest of the man that you love,

to have felt what I felt.

The duality of resounding inner peace

and his friend Joy that wants to laugh, cry and scream to share this wonderful feeling! 

The absolute happiness that in it's resonance forgets about the past and has no time for worrying about the future.

So much so that there is no contemplation that anything exists outside of that little blip in time.

You are there.

That's it.

And you know you are alive.

 

wise words.

'Advice to people at the beginning of their careers:

Do not imagine that you have to know everything before you can do anything. My own best work was done when I was ignorant. Grab every opportunity  to take responsibility and do things for which you are unqualified.'

-Freeman Dyson 

(quantum physicist)

xxx love you. 

Was the message I found.

Sent to me by one of my dearest friends who I met years ago when we were allocated a shoebox to share in student housing. 

From all accounts, a situation that ends up in extreme feelings of either love or hate. 

Love, thankfully.

Is what we ended up with.

These particular words have come from a position of someone going through a time of emotional upheaval and so mean all the more because of it.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about, and missing those closest to me. Of my closest girlfriends only two of them are in the same city, and whilst that does not seem so bad - when life is happening it somehow becomes a very long way! 

I see things that remind me of one, think ridiculous natter that can only be reciprocated by another and am presently making a gift for another, where each and every stitch reminds me of her. 

It is so wonderful to be surrounded by friends (albeit in a technological way) and family that understand exactly the trials that you are going through. Even so much to the point that I don't think my shoe box friend and I have discussed this exact problem that often blocks people from unleashing their true desires,  stopping them from trying something new. 

But somehow she knows it anyway.

The thinking that you have to know it all before you begin. 

Is it that we are afraid that we won't be as sophisticated, as knowledgeable as those that we aspire to be like?  

It was a plague in my house for a long time.

But I have embraced my choices and delved the depths of the process that has lead me through the darkness and into this point in time. 

They say it is darkest before the dawn... but they never say anything about it feeling like forever. 

But the mysterious and almighty 'they' that know everything about the universe will not tell you things that you need to learn for yourself.

It's a process through which I have learnt to have patience with my natural human insecurities and finally I feel like I can see the light. 

Maybe I can't see the light itself,

But I can make out it's warmth radiating from over the horizon, beyond the back of yonder.

At this point I know the sunrise is still a long way away,

But I am at peace with this. 

Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say it aloud, for us to see the shimmering hope of dawn.      

the rolling stone.

the overflow.

today,

i have been thinking about this idea.

and actually, 

i would like my dreams to be bursting their seams.

to be overflowing with energy! 

exuberance! 

a place of great excitement!  

it would appear that i have found a new mission!

what glee! 

to reach the ideal and discover what comes next.

perhaps the overflow is what happens beyond the point of what is imaginable.

from the current perspective that is.

what would it be like?

to experience all that is entirely outside the realm of anything we could possibly conjure up on our own, right now, from where we stand? 

bouncing off the dream to get there.

by indulging the etceteras, 

to use them as building blocks.

setting the foundation.

in anticipation of the new. 

and so on.

and so it begins,

and only with a dream,

that one day, some day. 

it all will be material.

and:

the eyes will open,

and find that there's no comparison left.

that there is no reason to measure.

and that soul may be full.

that the shore of certainty is finally underfoot.

ah.

and to exhale.

oh.

but.

there is but always a but.

and the universe smiles.

because it understands.

that for a life to have value it has to be worth keeping.

keeping.

to keep.

to care for.

to tend to.

the soul may be full.

but not exempt from evaporation.

it is not to ask why.

but to map the place between what is full and what is next.

but what comes after full?

if it is empty first. then in between, and then full.

then surely it must be succeeded.

overflowing?

and what happens in the maniscus?

between a dream being full and overflowing?

when:

that overwhelming splendour of having a thousand thoughts all at the same time!

perhaps one heartfelt dream is enough.

a headline act on our private stage.

one bright star, for one bright soul.

a singular enraptured heart afterall is surely better than a full house of apathathy.

if not for this, imagine us!

we would split ourselves in a million different directions!

but the universe is compassionate.

it provides the star to make ease of the navigation.

the sea will not be calmed, nor the path cleared.

it is there only to guide.

a promise that one feverishly follows...

or forges, rather.

such a long way yet to travel.

and here is one, dreaming the dream of when the edge of the dream is reached! 

so easy to dream and so often trying to be in three dimensions! 

it is a reminder.

of an essence.

and that is:

the truth that is found in finding what we will find, when we get there. 

and not before we do.

or maybe what is there is,

what is after

and so on...

and what have you.

and so forth...

a continuum of etceteras!  

that give and receive.

in equal measure...